A Betty Crocker Thanksgiving

As any of you who read me regularly have probably gathered, I am no Betty Crocker and sure as hell not Martha Stewart. It’s not that I don’t like to cook or clean or decorate my house, so much as there are a hundred other things I’d rather be doing. When I do have a momentary lapse into domesticity, it usually turns out okay—that is to say, no one is poisoned, and the fire department isn’t on speed dial. Truthfully, my best such skill is sewing. When I was young, ready-made apparel was expensive, and the clothes didn’t come in “low-rise slim-fit boot-cut” and “mid-rise roomy ankle” and “curvy petite long” and every other fit combination, so there was a real advantage to being able to sew your own. Now that that is no longer the case, and my kids are too old for Halloween Costumes, my one domestic super-skill is now useless.
With that in mind, I decided to wander on over to Pinterest to look for some nifty Thanksgiving Day ideas for my home and family. Here’s what I found at Pinterest Thanksgiving Pins.
Rice Krispie Turkey Legs
Yes! I can do this. These are so cute and fun, and the recipe doesn’t involve baking, basting, roasting, or sautéing. I’m on it.
Pumpkin Skinny Dip
This low-calorie dessert dip is intended to delight your health-conscious Turkey Day guests. Right. Look, if it’s not going to pack a layer of flab on your fanny, I’m not including it in my holiday line-up.
Gourds & Greens Festive Table Decorations
Wait, you mean people actually do this? Other than professional home stagers, that is. Sorry, not happening. Besides, this would totally clash with the Autumn Leaves Chinet.
Sweet ‘n Spicy Chicken Bacon Wraps
OMG, for realz? Do you know how many ingredients this thing has? It takes five pictures just to show the steps! How am I gonna watch Miracle on 34th Street with this going on? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Five Ingredient Easy Crock Pot Creamed Corn
Yo, domestic goddesses, got a tip for ya: you can buy this stuff ready-made. That’s one ingredient. I’ll loan you my can opener.
Holiday Fork Caddy
Why? Seriously, why?
Autumn Fun Pie Crust
Also known as too-much-time-on-my-hands Pie Crust, this little beauty is just the kind of thing that would make me go, “Help! I’ve been abducted by the Stepford Wives!”.
Pretty Pumpkin Toilet Paper
No. Please. God. No.
Okay, so I’m going with the Rice Krispie things. Except I may not make them turkey-leg shaped. In fact, I may just leave them flat in the pan. Or maybe just eat them straight out of the mixing bowl before they’re cooled. Or better yet, just pour the Rice Krispies in a cereal bowl with milk and eat the marshmallows on the side. Yeah, that’ll work. And then I’ll do what I do every year on Thanksgiving: call Cracker Barrel. They do a mean Thanksgiving take-out. For like seventy-five bucks, you can get everything you need for a family of six (except the Chinet). And my kids are old enough to drive now, so I don’t even have to pick it up. Sweet.
Wishing you the Best Thanksgiving Ever,
😉 Maria
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